I have been debating with myself about where to go from this point on in my story. What I have already written on my blog posts and pages has pretty much expressed the sum total of my homosexual experiences. I’m not sure anyone may be interested in the story of my life in the U.S. Army or my life since. My life after serving in Vietnam has been that of a pretty average, young married Mormon boy that grew up to be an older married Mormon grandfather. With the one exception, I have been comfortable with my chosen path. That exception has come to haunt me occasionally over the years.
I don’t have anymore gay love stories to tell. I have had many friends as everyone does. Some of them turned out to be gay. I wish more of them had been gay. It’s a lonely life having to be so covert about this side of my personality. I wished I could have been openly gay/bisexual from the day I met David. But things were different back then as many older bloggers point out.
I have decided that I will continue with my story about my life, if for no one else if not for myself. I feel the need to write about my experiences in the hope that I can gain some understanding about why I am the way I am. And I also hope to continue to make new friends here. The friends that I have made already have been a great support. The sad part is that some have disappeared over the last few months. I miss them. I hope that they are OK. I hope you are OK.
About Me
- Adon
- New England, United States
- Having been unable to break my silence about being gay or bisexual due to living in a conservative New England community, and being an active Mormon as well as being married to a wonderful woman, I will try to do so here. This is the story of parts my life, beginning when I was a young teenage boy. I have learned that being gay or bisexual can, in ways, be a lonely life. I was not actually alone, but many times it felt like I was. As a boy, I thrilled at the discoveries that I had made about my body and my physical and emotional attractions. I despaired when I realized I couldn't tell anyone. There were times when things didn't end well. There were some sad and traumatic experiences. But, there were also many joyful and wonderful life experiences that I wouldn’t have had if I had given in to discouragement along the way. I believe there is joy in living even with the challenges along the way. Be aware that I have been honest and to some degree explicit in my boyish descriptions of my budding sexual awareness. What I have written is what I felt, thought and experienced at the time. These particular posts are marked with a double star **.
4 comments:
Your life story has been interesting to read and helpful for a guy who was molested at an early age. I can tell that writing it all down has been a positive thing for you. We seldom express ourselves when it comes to repressed episodes of childhood sexual experiences or experimentation. I'm sure this was liberating!
Now a suggestion:
This has been a therapeutic venue for you to explore your sexuality, but there's ONE tiny little problem with it - its explicit. That's not a criticism. But it does limit the number of people who will interact with you, especially in Mormon circles. Now that you've gotten this all written down perhaps its time you had more interaction with people like yourself?
So here's the thought - create another blog that ISN'T explicit. Use that blog to chat with the rest of us in the MoHo universe and have some meaningful dialogue with us. Keep this Blog as your "Freudian couch" to come back to and hash out your life story. Have the best of both worlds?! :)
I think a lot of bloggers reach this point in the journey...they're not sure what the destination is going to be. I know I'm barely out of the driveway, so who knows what's ahead. But your story has been inspirational. It's been comforting to know that others have been where I am now: in the closet (and in my case, trying to figure out how to get out), and survived, and had an apparently good life.
Thanks for deciding to stick around. The hot, torrid sex wasn't what drew me. The honesty of your story was. So thanks, too, for telling it!
Peace <3
Jay
I'm glad your going to continue. I'm certainly interested in what your perspectives are and have been. I never had any gay experiences when I was young so that intrigued me at first. But now to understand that you have never had any since, I'm all the more curious how you've managed so long.
I personally don't have all that much to say at the moment and I know I have more of my stories to tell but for now, I mostly just prefer to read.
I'm still okay and I hope you are "okay" as well. I don't think that the purpose of your blog is to tell of all your sexual exploits.
What we are truly interested in is how you are finding ways to come to terms with how you've chosen to live your life, and that it is possible to live a life worth living.
Please keep writing and sharing. Your story (even if sexless) needs to be told, and your voice needs to be heard!
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