About Me

My photo
New England, United States
Having been unable to break my silence about being gay or bisexual due to living in a conservative New England community, and being an active Mormon as well as being married to a wonderful woman, I will try to do so here. This is the story of parts my life, beginning when I was a young teenage boy. I have learned that being gay or bisexual can, in ways, be a lonely life. I was not actually alone, but many times it felt like I was. As a boy, I thrilled at the discoveries that I had made about my body and my physical and emotional attractions. I despaired when I realized I couldn't tell anyone. There were times when things didn't end well. There were some sad and traumatic experiences. But, there were also many joyful and wonderful life experiences that I wouldn’t have had if I had given in to discouragement along the way. I believe there is joy in living even with the challenges along the way. Be aware that I have been honest and to some degree explicit in my boyish descriptions of my budding sexual awareness. What I have written is what I felt, thought and experienced at the time. These particular posts are marked with a double star **.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Chapter 4, David, Paul and the Little Green Tent

My friend David was small for his age like me. And he also had short blond hair like I did. But beyond that, we were different as two boys could be. Remember, I told you I wasn't one of those rough and tumble kids? Well, David was. He was a tough little bugger. He had to be. Both his parents were alcoholics. They were living in an unhappy situation and they coped with their problems with booze. From inside our house, we could hear them yelling at each other and their kids most every day. I remember seeing bruises on his David's body. He used to tell me he got the "belt" when he got into trouble, and sometimes with the buckel end. In contrast, I only remember getting spanked with a switch twice. My abuse came in a different form but I'll get back to that later.


David was always on the move. He hardly ever wore a shirt (weather permitting), and bluejeans. He was tanned and lean.  David was energetic and outgoing, just the opposite of me. He was ambitious. David started a newspaper route when he was barely big enough to carry the delivery bag. He got up early each morning before daylight. He went and picked up the papers at the drop off point, folded them and delivered them on his route, all before school. He did this, summer and winter, rain or shine. When he found time to eat, wash up or change his clothes before school, I have no idea. He did it all on his own with no support from his family.

David and I were friends as far back as I can remember. We played trucks and cars in the dirt. We climbed trees, built camps in the woods, and following his lead we did some things we probably shouldn't have.

He bought a new red "banana bike" with his newspaper earnings and we traveled all over town on our bikes. We spent all our time together whenever we could. We did everything together.

One summer, we found ourselves pretty much on our own. Both our parents worked full time jobs and that summer we took care of ourselves. One day David's cousin Paul came to visit. I had never met him before nor would I ever see him again after that day. Although I thought Paul was kind of cute, he was also kind of weird and was a showoff. He liked to do weird things like turn his eyelids inside out and put his tongue up his nose. I was a little uncomfortable being around Paul but that day he changed my life forever.




David and his little brother had set up a little green tent in their yard earlier in the summer. That day a cousin of David's had ridden his bike over to visit for a few hours. His name was Paul.

Sometime later that day we found ourselves, David, Paul and myself, checking out the inside of this little green tent. At some point, Paul asked us if we had ever jerked off. David and I looked at each other and mouthed, "what?" David said, "What are you talking about Paul?"

Obviously to Paul we were uneducated. Paul said, "Watch this".

As we watched, Paul stood up, undid his belt and unzipped his fly. He slid down his pants and underwear to his ankles and got down on his knees, seemingly not the least bit concerned about his exposed body.

David and I looked at each other again...wide eyed!

Then David proceeded to show us how to masturbate.

Paul took his penis in his hand and started to slowly slide his hand back and forth along the shaft. It started to swell up. He continued and it got still bigger. It straightened out and got longer, got shiny on the end. As he stroked it slowly with his hand he looked over at us and smiled. His body started to thrust as he pumped it. Suddenly with a low groan, Paul arched his back and his penis shot some white thick stuff  across the small tent and onto David's jeans. David jumped back trying to get out of the way. Then they looked at each other grinning.

David said, "What the?...COOL!"

Paul said..."Yeah".

I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. I wasn't sure what to make of all this but I was definitely intrigued. They looked over at me. I smiled but I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights.