I am new to the blogging world. I was encouraged to begin a blog by a young friend. He seemed to being getting a lot of benefit from his blog experience. So, after following his and some other blogs for a period of time, I decided to give it a try. Sadly, the same day I started work on creating my blog, this young man deleted his. Hopefully he will return. My biggest obstacle in starting this blog was where to begin.
Explaining my situation is difficult. It took many years to admit to myself that I am gay/bisexual. I am an active Mormon, married to a wonderful woman and the father of several children. I don’t like to categorize myself but feel I am bisexual.
I know most gay and straight men think someone who claims to be bisexual is just kidding themselves. But I feel that there are many people who like me, could enjoy the sexual experience with either sex. Personally I am more attracted, generally, to males.
Obviously, being in my situation has been difficult. I have had to stay in the closet my whole life. A few years ago, I did get the courage to tell my wife that I had homosexual tendencies and that I felt that I was bisexual. It was the worst thing I could have done. Emotionally, it shook her to the core. She felt that our marriage of 30 years had been based on a lie. Due to her upbringing she has always had a problem with the gay lifestyle and she hasn’t changed any in her thinking since.
Since I told her it has been really awkward for me whenever gay subject matter comes up. For instance television programming has taken a definite turn, injecting gay situations into their story lines. We both squirm whenever this happens. Also, her trust in me has been shaken so that I have lost some of my freedom to come and go without question. It took quite awhile for things to calm down and for life at home to be more normal. At the time of this writing, we have never talked about it again. As far as I know, she has never told anyone about my disclosure.
I decided a long time ago that I had committed myself to living a heterosexual life. I have a wife and family that I love and can’t ever see living without. I have been a believing Mormon my whole adult life and feel that I want to continue to stay a member. Of course, If anyone found out my true feelings, my whole life would be turned upside down…..So therefore, I remain ……. Forever Silent.
About Me
- Adon
- New England, United States
- Having been unable to break my silence about being gay or bisexual due to living in a conservative New England community, and being an active Mormon as well as being married to a wonderful woman, I will try to do so here. This is the story of parts my life, beginning when I was a young teenage boy. I have learned that being gay or bisexual can, in ways, be a lonely life. I was not actually alone, but many times it felt like I was. As a boy, I thrilled at the discoveries that I had made about my body and my physical and emotional attractions. I despaired when I realized I couldn't tell anyone. There were times when things didn't end well. There were some sad and traumatic experiences. But, there were also many joyful and wonderful life experiences that I wouldn’t have had if I had given in to discouragement along the way. I believe there is joy in living even with the challenges along the way. Be aware that I have been honest and to some degree explicit in my boyish descriptions of my budding sexual awareness. What I have written is what I felt, thought and experienced at the time. These particular posts are marked with a double star **.
1 comment:
I'm curious, Adon, about who that friend was. We started blogging within a few weeks of each other, and I have to wonder if we were reading the same blogs. Just curious, curiouser I am, curiouser than a cat!
Peace <3
Jay
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