About Me

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New England, United States
Having been unable to break my silence about being gay or bisexual due to living in a conservative New England community, and being an active Mormon as well as being married to a wonderful woman, I will try to do so here. This is the story of parts my life, beginning when I was a young teenage boy. I have learned that being gay or bisexual can, in ways, be a lonely life. I was not actually alone, but many times it felt like I was. As a boy, I thrilled at the discoveries that I had made about my body and my physical and emotional attractions. I despaired when I realized I couldn't tell anyone. There were times when things didn't end well. There were some sad and traumatic experiences. But, there were also many joyful and wonderful life experiences that I wouldn’t have had if I had given in to discouragement along the way. I believe there is joy in living even with the challenges along the way. Be aware that I have been honest and to some degree explicit in my boyish descriptions of my budding sexual awareness. What I have written is what I felt, thought and experienced at the time. These particular posts are marked with a double star **.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Chapter 12, Sudden Awareness

I spent the three months from August through November enjoying everything that I could before my upcoming induction date of November 27, 1967. I spent a lot of time with my parents that summer. I know they were concerned about me eventually going to Vietnam and they wanted to be with me as much as they could before I left for basic training. Every night we would watch the progress of the War on the news. It was usually really graphic and I could see it really bothered them, especially Mom. It was probably torture for her. It didn’t seem to worry me much for some reason.




I kept myself busy. During the day I worked for some rich people mowing their lawns, gardening and keeping their cars clean and polished. From 3:30 in the afternoon to early evening I worked for my old Mormon friend on his farm. His son, one of my friends at church, was already in the Army going through Warrant Officer training, Jump School, and Helicopter Flight School. I had replaced him on the farm that season. I became quite the young farmer. I loved the time I spent with my old friend on his farm. He was a warm friendly man with a wonderful sense of humor. He taught me how to drive and after I got my drivers license he let me drive us in his new truck wherever we went. That meant a lot to me. My own father wouldn’t have done that for me.



My father did help me buy my first car though. It was a 1962 Ford Falcon Futura. It was white with red interior. I thought it was pretty cool with its bucket seats and console. My friends weren’t that impressed. They kept making remarks about it being a roller skate or sissy car. Today, kids would say it was gay. Maybe it was.








In November, preceding my induction into the Army, I spent as much time as I could hunting. It was deer season and I was brought up to be a hunter. I went hunting almost everyday in quest of the big buck. November 27th quickly arrived and although I saw a couple of deer, they were just glimpses and I ended up with nothing to show for my time except being in the woods that I loved. That big buck that I spent so much time hunting, was safe.




Eventually, induction day finally arrived. My parents and I got up early to make the trip to take me to the nearest induction center which was 60 mile away. There wasn’t much conversation during the trip. As we passed through the familiar towns and villages, I looked around and suddenly realized to my horror that I might not get to see any of this again. I quickly looked at Mom and Dad in the front seat. They were talking quietly and I realized how much I loved them. I had never been away from them or left home before. It would devastate them if anything bad were to happen to me.

What had I done?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a very interesting post. It brings back a lot of memories to me of the identical period in my life.

Your old Mormon friend on the farm made good memories for you. I wish I had someone in my life like that at that time.

I joined the Navy instead of the Army. I was really looking forward to it, or so I thought. It took less than a week for me to realize I had made a terrible mistake, then four years more to get out of it.

Anonymous said...

here here very interesting

Anonymous said...

I remember the night before leaving for Colorado, and, my induction into the Air Force Academy... I had spent the past 6 months, diligently training myself-- running/ pullups/ pushups/ weight lifting... I was about as ready as I could be, physically... Mentally, I felt OK, but noticed a growing tension in mom, which I tried to ignore... She had been thru this before, with 6 brothers, all of who served in WWII, or, Korea... Of course, I was her 1st born son, so, I guess that probably made it even more unnerving for her, even if I wouldn't be in imminent danger for quite a while... Well, pop decided that he should have a father/son talk with me, since I wouldn't be around to ignore for quite a while... We got into my car ( a '65 Corvair Monza convertible) and headed out for a drive... I couldn't imagine what this little talk was going to be about. If it was a 'birds and bees' thing, I was ready with a open window through which I could vomit... lol... But, at least that never happened... In fact, all we really talked about was my father's experience in the Army Air Corps, and, his profound advice-- don't volunteer for anything... huh??

Thanks, pop... I guess...

Well, fortunately he had a more significant reason to make me burn the necessary gas, while we drove in a giant circle...Just before we got back home, he revealed to me, that my grandpa (his dad) had been an alcoholic... This I suspected, but, never knew, for a fact. He followed by suggesting that I keep that in mind as I was exposed to the drinking sports that soldiers are famous for... It was one of the most loving things that he ever did for me... He made me aware of a potential danger that could really affect my future.

I actually felt like a son, for the 1st time in years, that night... It's a shame that it took so long... luv, tman<3

Anonymous said...

I've never experienced the military from your (or tman's) point of view. But I've had many close friends who were drafted for Vietnam (or entered one academy or another, plus my dad was drafted for WWII - he's just now at 84 talking about it). I must say, the emotions you laid out (as well as tman, again) mirror so many of my friends as they approached and entered the military.

So your words are illuminating. Both of you. There are times I am thrilled I missed the Vietnam draft by a few years, and other times, usually when sitting around a campfire with Mitch and Ted, listening to their stories, that I wish I had served my country the way you guys did.

Peace <3
Jay

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