Chapter 10, The Fall

And there was a “next” time, actually, lot of next times. For the few weeks left of our summer vacation from school, David and I had a new “secret” signal to let each other know that we wanted to “play” with each other. One of us would say, “Gee, it’s hot!” We would look at each other with a smile and know what we both wanted. We got naked together whenever we could. Usually, we did it in my house. But, sometimes David’s imagination ruled the day. We did it in David’s “camp” behind our houses or in my Dad’s old Buick parked behind the barn. It was a like living a dream, it was a wonderful fantastic time. As I look back on it now I recognize that there were other feelings that I was developing for David. I didn't know exactly what they were or what they meant but I felt different toward him.




Eventually, August turned into September and it was nearly time for school to start back up. When we actually did start school something happened that caused my world t come crashing down around me.

I was going to be a freshman that year in high school. David was still in middle school. The day school started, it was like someone had flipped a switch in our lives. After being together nearly every day for years, and especially that summer, David just disappeared. It turned out that first day of school I ended up walking to school alone.  We had walked to school together for years. Although our schools were adjacent to each other, David and I didn’t get walk to school together that day or ever again. He just wasn’t around. I never got to see him or talk to him. Where the heck was he??



One day I saw his sister walking up ahead of me and I ran to catch up. As casually as I could I asked her about David and she said he had a new girl friend, which was something that confused me. He had never mentioned girls to me. And then she turned and yelled at me, "He's gone!" And it's your fault and you know why!" I just stood there cemented to the ground as she ran toward her front door.

"What? What was she talking about?"


I moped around the house wondering what had taken place. How could this happen? He was there with me on the Friday before Labor Day weekend and after the holiday he just evaporated? I finally did get a glimpse of him one time as he came home late one afternoon as he going into his house by the front door. I stayed glued in my tracks as I watched his house. He didn't stay long. And, he looked different. He was no more the rough and tumble boy running around in blue jeans and no shirt. He was a shadowy figure and moved like he didn’t want to be seen. He was different somehow. I was confused and heartsick. A few minutes later he came out with some bags and got into an unfamiliar car. He didn't come back.



Weeks later, I stood in the living room where we so recently had experienced the joy of our special friendship and yes, our sexual awakening. Just like the rest of my house it was full of secret memories. I looked out the front window at the empty yard that ran between our houses. There were no laughing boys on bikes. There was no yelling of jokes or playful insults. The whole neighborhood seemed deserted and darkly quiet. The special, “secret” signals between two innocent friends were no longer heard. David no longer raced out the back door with anticipation and excitement on his face. I missed his grin and his silly antics. I also missed the rush in my heart as his hands touched my body and mine his. And above all I missed just being with him. The heat of the summer had cooled and with it the warmth that had been in my heart, leaving in it’s stead a chilling cold emptiness.



I suddenly looked up to see the reflection of a boys face in the window glass. It was a boy that I didn’t recognize. The boy had a sad lonely face with tears streaming down his cheeks. With a shock I realized that it was me. I turned away from the window and crossed the room to the couch where David and I had first trusted each other with our innermost and deepest secrets and desires. I sat down and the sobs racked my body. I realized then that I loved him and he was gone. And I knew that my life would never be the same.